I’m going to make some broad and sweeping statements around gender in this article and I do this without apology, because I think the implications of these observations matter – to individuals, to family units, to teams and to businesses. I’m very open to being challenged and I would love to hear different points of view, so if you find yourself reacting to anything I’ve written I would love to hear from you!
During my 17 years of coaching, I’ve noticed key differences in the way men and women behave when stressed.
I’ve been amazed by male change leader’s ability to stay focused and ignore the organisational noise and emotional fallout of change. And I’ve admired those with a more feminine style who have an incredible ability to pick up on fear and uncertainty and respond to it effectively, and to find opportunities to collaborate even in moments of extreme pressure.
Both of these are valuable traits that we sorely needed throughout 2020 as the whole world grappled with the onslaught of the pandemic and the decimation of ‘life as we know it’ which led to a tsunami of stress.
And Science seems to support my observations in the different ways we react to stress.
The ‘fight or flight’ stress response first defined by Walter Cannon in 1932[1] was largely uncontested for years. But many women report having only a weak identification with the ‘fight’ response. Until 1995 females (rats and humans) only constituted 17% of participants in lab studies of physiological and neuroendocrine responses to stress. By the early 2000s scientists began to pay closer attention to females, and began to develop an entirely new understanding of women’s stress response. This response, described by researcher Shelley E Taylor, became known as TEND AND BEFRIEND[2]. Taylor’s theory is that in both sexes stress causes the same initial hormonal and neuroendocrine responses. However, females have adapted behaviourally, in ways better suited to maximise species survival.
Taylor suggests that women's evolved responses to stress are characterised by:
Tending "quieting and caring".
Befriending "affiliating with social groups to reduce risk"… joining social groups for strength in numbers, and for the exchange of resources and responsibilities.
The belief is that this 'tend and befriend' reaction allows women to address a broader array of threats than fight or flight.
In the corporate setting, we might translate tending and befriending as heightened care-giving and collaboration. When I was a busy HR person, my team would often observe that when I was stressed, I was more likely than normal to allow lengthy interruptions from tearful people needing to talk. It seemed that my boundaries were weaker when I was stressed, which in turn of course often exacerbated my pressure. And I notice that when under pressure, many of my female clients are more likely to notice the needs and feelings of the people around them.
The work of Taylor et al seems to be validated by further unrelated research. For example, a job performance study in the USA[3] found that emotional exhaustion increases female care-giving tendencies.
And a research project led by University of Vienna psychologist Claus Lamm[4] reports male and female stress responses as being virtually opposite. Whilst the immediate physiological reaction to stress was identical, the behaviour that followed was consistently different based on gender. Men in the study became more egocentric under stress, whilst the women had heightened ability to understand other’s perspectives, and better social interaction skills. Whilst stress enabled women to override normal levels of self-centeredness, and respond with heightened empathy, the opposite was true for the men in the study. The researchers have not yet drawn any firm conclusions to explain the gender differences, yet speculate there may be both learnt and hormonal factors at play.
These findings present a huge OPPORTUNITY for both organisations and individuals
From the organisation’s perspective, harnessing empathy could be a golden ticket to more effective change leadership. Which large organisation undergoing a stressful change isn’t in need of more empathy and affiliation?
When we recognise the differences and harness our strengths, we get optimum outcomes. For those leading change, this means ensuring that every change management team has a solid gender mix, ensuring male and female is represented equally, not just in numbers but also in the power balance, especially in hierarchical structures. For leaders, this emerging awareness presents an opportunity for enhanced self-awareness and better self-regulation: Those who identify with the ‘masculine’ response can remind themselves to consider others; those who identify with the ‘feminine’ response can remind themselves to create better boundaries and use their empathy more mindfully.
Do you agree with the thoughts I've expressed here in terms of differences in stress responses?
If you would like to pick up this conversation, or for more information on gender differences, harnessing strengths, and managing stress, I’d love to hear from you.
At Nkuzi Change our mission is to help organisations unlock the full potential of their people through coaching and we specialise in issues of diversity and inclusion.
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References
[1] See en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Walter_Bradford_Cannon
[2] See The Tending Instinct: How Nurturing is Essential to Who We Are and How We Live (2002). Shelley E Taylor. New York: Henry Holt.
[3] See Emotional exhaustion and job performance (2007). Halbesleben, Jonathon R. B. Bowler, W. Matthew. Journal of Applied Psychology, 92(1), 93-106. http://psycnet.apa.org/journals/apl/92/1/93
[4] See Is stress affecting our ability to tune into others? Evidence for gender differences in stress on self-other distinction. L. Tomova, b, B. von Dawans, M. Heinrichs, d, G. Silani, C. Lamm, (2014) Psychoneuroendocrinology Journal. sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0306453014000572
