Think of a leader you’ve known in any aspect of your life who had a positive impact on you …
This is probably someone who brought out the best in you, someone who inspired you to step into your full potential, to take on challenges and overcome barriers so you could achieve more. Maybe it was someone who really ‘got you’? Who saw your strengths and rewarded your effort? Maybe they made it safe for you to make mistakes on the path to success? Did they encourage you to find your voice, to speak up and offer your ideas and opinions without fear of ridicule or dismissal?
I hope you have that leader in mind? Maybe you have more than one? Maybe that person was a leader at home, at work, from a community, hobby or sports organisation you were a part of?
Now you have that leader in mind, think about how they made you FEEL.
When I do this reflection an old boss of mine comes immediately to mind – let’s call him Peter.
Peter did a good job of making me feel seen, he noticed what I was doing and how I was doing it. Peter made me feel heard, he encouraged me to speak up, he listened to my ideas and always gave them consideration. And Peter made me feel valued, he asked my opinion, he noticed and called out my strengths and he gave me credit for the results I created. And very importantly for me, he was self-aware. Peter knew when his ‘bad mood’ or stress might be impacting those around him and he was good at managing this in a way that didn’t make me shrink or withdraw. Peter would sense when anyone (including himself) was going into stressed behaviour and would help us to individually or collectively ‘take a breath’ to get back on track.
Contrast this to the opposite experience I had with a number of leaders who didn’t have the same leadership qualities as Peter. I’ve had bosses who shouted, lashed out and made me feel inadequate, who squashed my confidence with their authority and who made me retreat for fear of being ‘wrong’. I felt they didn’t value me, or even see me beyond the results I could turn in for them. At the time I blamed them and silently accused them of misusing their seniority, I felt they knew the effect their behaviour was having on me. Now I know this is almost certainly wrong. Yes, I may have experienced one truly terrible leader, but looking back, I know the others were probably completely oblivious to the impact they were having on those around them.
I know this because I’ve had feedback on how I’ve impacted people in my early years of leadership and I didn’t receive a ‘glowing report card’. I’ve heard how my drive for results and my need to move at pace have left people feeling excluded and isolated, blamed for moving too slow or even getting in the way. This has been hard to hear but it has helped me see the gap that develops between the result we are aiming for, and the impact we create, when we lose sight of how we actually make people feel. And this happens when we lose our self-awareness and allow our drivers (whatever they may be) get in the way of how we interact with the people around us.
I’ve learnt it’s easy to fall into the trap of focusing solely on WHAT we do as leaders and overlook HOW we create an impact on those around us.
And I see this playing out with the 100s of leaders we work with on the Leadership programmes we run at Nkuzi Change.
And this is backed up by the research - according to Gallup, Line Managers influence at least 70% of the variance in the scores on engagement for on a team, and 50% of all employees say they have left a job to get away from a manager.
A great leader inspires confidence in other people and moves them to action.
HOW we are with each other has a massive impact on what we can achieve together. And this becomes the most important when we’re stressed or working under extreme pressure. A critical part of Leadership is to be able to remain effective during challenging times, because how we feel is contagious to others – and this gets amplified with seniority.
I remember a week not so long ago … it’s Sunday morning and I’m relaxed and looking forward to the week ahead. Monday morning arrives, and I’m enjoying being stretched and tested. I’m seeing progress and achievement throughout my day. On Wednesday afternoon, a project gets cancelled and my team are furious and upset. It’s replaced with two new projects with challenging timelines. The tension in the team starts to shift from positive to negative, and it starts to feel draining. I start to become distracted and unfocused - I don't know where to start and it all feels impossible.
At this point, I know I had a choice.
I could keep letting the pressure build and enter what I call the Kill zone! The tension becomes toxic because I’m overwhelmed and have shifted from my usual mode of collaborative leadership into a much less collegiate and more direct style. In this stressed version of myself my best thinking is dead in the water and I lack my usual motivation and creativity. I find myself barking out orders as I feel the responsibility lies with me to have the answers, rather than asking my team for their best ideas. The people around me sense my distressed state and withdraw, thinking the only way to respond is to move at the pace I’m demanding, rather than pause and connect to do our best collective thinking.
OR …
I could pause for a few moments to notice how my stress levels are rising. I could choose to remember I want to be a leader who inspires confidence in others, so they can move to positive action. So, I take a 15 minute walk and slow my breathing. I start to feel calmer, and my energy starts to return. I head back to the office to see what my team needs from me, and by the end of the day we are back on track with the new projects. And we have built connection and resilience for the future.
But in order to make this shift, I have to be aware of what is happening for me and to inject a pause and reset, before my stress means I have a derailing effect on others. As my wonderful colleague Liz says “self-awareness comes before choice”.
A big part of leadership is understanding our impact on others. This calls for a level of vulnerability around recognising HOW we are – so we can choose to either continue in that mode, or to reset to another one. This isn’t always easy and it can help to have a simple model to refer to, to help us identify what’s happening for us, so we can make a conscious choice.
Do you know your natural style of leadership?
This is our default style we adopt most of the time, it’s the way people expect us to be with them. But like most things, our style is dynamic and can shift depending on how much we’re being stretched and stressed. Our excitement for progress and achievement helps us to be successful, but at times it can tip into feeling overwhelmed, and when this happens, our leadership style often changes – and we need to be aware of the impact this can have on others.
The model I want to share with you has 5 modes of leadership. And 2 drivers on either end which are dependent on the environment you are operating in – the level of control and direction, versus the level of engagement and innovation, the situation calls for.
What is your natural leadership style?
Take a look at the model below and read the descriptions in the top half of each box. Which one is your natural leadership behaviour?
Now consider the mode you think you go to when you’re under a lot of pressure.
Each mode comes with a warning around what can happen when that mode is misapplied at the wrong time, or in the wrong context. Was the mode you went to under pressure the best mode for that scenario now you look back? Or was it mis-applied, and a different mode might have been more effective?
From a personal perspective, my natural leadership style is to Collaborate, I enjoy leading the conversation and often offer solutions, I’m always looking for the builds and critiques of others and do not enjoy working in a vacuum. Under stress I move very quickly to Tell mode. My engagement, connection and creativity falls away and I feel driven to instruct others without heed or need for conversation. I know instinctively this is almost always a disaster, I don’t do my best work in Tell mode and it freezes out those around me who can sense the stress leaking out of me.
To combat this, when I sense stress levels rising I have learnt to check in with myself and ask, am I moving to Tell? And I’ve gone further with this and shared this thinking with my team and asked them to ‘raise the red flag’ when they see me slip into Tell. This can be aggravating in the moment, but I am always grateful for the insight that I have tipped into this derailing behaviour so I have a chance to course correct before I impact everyone around me.
I want to emphasise that this is a judgement free model – I am not saying that any one of these 5 modes is better than another. Because it depends! It depends on two things. It depends on our natural tendency, and it depends on the context of the environment we are working in.
For example, the TELL mode might seem overly directive or controlling but there are situations when this mode is imperative. Take air travel for example. Pilots and stewards are looking for compliance. They are not looking for engagement or creativity – they don’t want you in to innovate. They need to be in ‘Tell’ mode to keep everyone safe and ensure the planes take off on time. We recognise this as passengers and we comply. But if TELL is misapplied, such as in situations where more engagement is needed, people feel inferior. They lack ownership of outcome.
Spend some time reviewing the model and considering these questions:
- What’s your natural mode of leadership style?
- What’s your natural mode when you are stressed or overwhelmed?
What does this mean for you? What impact are you creating? And is this the impact you want to create?
If you’re taking part in one of our Nkuzi Change Leadership programmes it can be very helpful to take your thoughts on this model into your next coaching session so your coach can support you in digging deeper and challenging you to step into your full leadership potential.
I would love your feedback and thoughts, so don’t hesitate to reach out at
